charlie and nina

Those of you who have been with us for awhile may remember the many troubles I had with breastfeeding Caius. The chronic plugged ducts. The mastitis. Not to mention, of course, the obligatory cracked, bleeding, scabbed and then puss-oozing nipples (fun times!). Breastfeeding Caius during the first six months was a constant battle against excruciating pain and (till then) unimaginable exhaustion. I hovered on the brink of giving up so many times.

And yet, I breastfed Caius for 21 months. I would have happily nursed him longer, but he weaned himself completely once I became pregnant. Despite the anguish, many of my fiercest moments of joy came when his little head was curled into my breast, his warm belly pressed into mine, suckling and totally content. I can remember fingering his tiny feet in my hand and thinking that I would not trade those moments for anything. At all.

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In, like, a year.

Yes, I am having a bit of trouble fitting the entire experience into one nice, neat post. Also, the moment we got back, this thing called life started happening again, only worse since our fridge was completely empty, our clothes were in suitcases and our toddler was very much in need of our attention after a weekend away.

So yes. It’s coming. I see all the post-BlogHer posts going up everywhere and I feel the pressure, but seriously? I am barely keeping up with my blogging for, you know, actual money.

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Charlie just sent me an email with a link telling me that Wordpress for the iPhone may be available as early as TONIGHT. Imagine, bloggity blog readers, we may soon be able to update our blog on the go! No more “Yesterday I was…” Instead our posts will begin, “RIGHT NOW I am…” Will this make Twitter obsolete? (Um. No.)

Re-reading the above paragraph, I can see that I’ve morphed into some sort of uber-blogger geek woman. How is this surprising to me considering I just spent the past weekend at a freaking conference especially devoted to uber blogger geek women? Ha! I love it!

I just left Caius at preschool. Alone. With 15 other children and several adults. But alone.

He’s still not engaging with other children, which is to be expected, since he is still not yet three and it’s only his second week. But it was hard to leave him when just minutes before he’d been tugging at my pants and asking, “Mommy, play with me. Play with me Mommy! Help me!”

I’ve been trying to stay in the background and let him try and engage the working parents and teachers rather than depending on me, but I’m not always sure when to redirect him. My heart bleeds when I see him playing alone, a little lost, a little overwhelmed. I want to just scoop him in my arms and cover him. I know it’s just growing pains, but it’s painful, ya know?

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Caius: “Mommy, boys and girls play with cars.”

Yes, yes they do, my smart little boy.

I got an iPhone 3G. It’s awesome. When I say “awesome,” I really mean “life-changing.” I’ve had it a week and every day it surprises me with new capabilities. Today I was using the GPS to track our crazy taxi driver’s route to the hotel from the San Francisco airport. I swear he was a madman. I tipped him extra for getting us there faster… and in one piece. Yesterday I was taken aback by the notification that milk, eggs, and bread could be purchased at the market two blocks away as I drove home from work. The day before I was in productivity heaven, having successfully hooked up my phone to my work email (Exchange), Gmail, and .mac account (now called MobileMe) along with all my personal and work calendars and contacts so that my entire life sat in the palm of my hand. Sad when you say it like that, but it’s still cool.

Nina’s had an iPhone for a year now and at least once a week I say to her, “Why do you have one and I don’t?” Yeah sure, part of me is jealous. But part of me liked pulling out of the garage and saying, “Honey, can you check the freeway traffic so I know which route to take?” Reluctantly, she’d take out her phone, fumble with the Google Maps application for a while and then say, ‘Oh the heck with it, even if traffic is bad we’re gettin’ on the 405 anyways!”

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I’ve got a few posts in the queue that I’ll hopefully get around to posting while we’re gone, but if not, well, sorry about that (Mom). We’re dropping Cai off at my parents’ house this weekend and while I’m totally looking forward to this trip and I even think I may benefit from an extended break from parenting 2 kids full-time, every time I think about leaving Cai and getting on a plane, my throat catches and I have trouble breathing.

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Napping

Napping x2

Today I came home to find a large open area between the couch and the TV that previously was not there. Nina had moved the train table out of the living room and into Caius’s room.

Me: “Oh, you decided to move it afterall?”

Nina: “Yes, but I think I broke it.”

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Cedric had his 2 month well-check today, complete with (what I guess is controversial and therefore makes me nervous and yet I still do it anyway because it still seems like the best option to me) vaccinations. Predictably, his shocked cries twisted my mama heart into excruciating knots, but we both managed to pull ourselves together.

I’m realizing that the boob does not hold quite the same draw for Ced as it did for Caius. He nurses for sustenance, not comfort. He refused to nurse after the shots, despite my boob being exposed like a ready tap (shirt pulled up, nursing bra’s flap down even before the shots…second time moms come prepared, my friends).

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